ULZZANG TIME!

Whether you love them or hate them, or never even heard of them, ulzzangs (AKA eoljjang, AKA Ultchang, AKA plastic surgerified Asian barbies) are spreading over the internet like a really really really....REALLY bad fad.

The word Ulzzang translated literally means "best face". lolwut, I know.
Hey, any Koreans out there know the word for "worst face?" I'd love to know.

They're basically identical carbon copies of each other. Their looks, poses, hair, and even clothes are like...the fucking same. Most of them are in the age range of 17-27ish, and they seem to defy the aging process. These 27-year olds look like 13-year-old dollthingymajiggers, but with a cake made of makeup on their faces. In fact, I've decided their faces do look good enough to eat. They're so....flawless-looking.

But looks, my friend, can be pret-ty deceiving.

A lot of these Ulzzangs have gotten famous (Park Han-byul, anyone?) from posting their pictures online and being so "b-e-a-youuuteeful"

So today, I've decided to create a parody step-by-step chart on how to be one of these Ulzzang chicks.

HOW TO BE ULZZANG, KAREN-STYLE.

1. GRAB A PAIR OF CIRCLE LENSES. Yesht. Be willing to pay about 40 dollars for a pair if you order them online (includes S & H). Most Ulzzang do not get black. Get some white-person color, such as hazel or green. For those of you who don't know what circle lenses are, they are cosmetic lenses to enhance your eyes, since they have a bigger diameter than regular contacts. Enhance being making them look bigger and omg~~!!! more kAwAii~~ >.<" ^3^ ~.<


2. Stick those circle lenses in your eye. Voila! Bigger eyes IMMEDIATELY. (-.- to O.O)

3. Stock up on makeup. You want your face to be as pale as possible. Think Casper, only the female version. Your eyes should be lined with liner, your makeup should flatter your eye color, your eyelashes long and lush, everything should be. just. perfect.

4. If needed, especially if you're single-lidded like me *sigh*, get some double-eyelid tape or glue. Be wary, the glue will stretch out your eyelid if you wear it for prolonged periods of time. The reason being is because every time you blink, your eyelid stretches from the glue. In time, you will have saggy eyelids. Not pretty. Do not want. Not Ulzzang material, bitch.

5. Now, say hello to your new best friend- false eyelashes! YAYYYY. Apparently the gene god decided to give most Asians inadequatedly-lengthed sparse eyelashes.

6. Okay, since your circle lenses are in, your face caked with makeup, it's now time to learn how to pose and dress like an Ulzzang. When dressing, pick the cutesiest stuff possible. Little kid stuff is good. Your outfit must include something kAwAii~~~ like a Hello Kitty necklace or something. But when it comes to dressing, as long as it looks good, nobody cares. It's your face that matters. Everything neck and up.

7. Yo hurr. It needs to be dyed a color similar to caramel, honey, copper, or something like that. Have a FOB hairstyle: think mushroom bangs, side bangs, or some other variant of the two. Hair can be left to interpretation.

8. HOW TO POSE FOR THE CAMERA: You want to look pale and timid and shy and innocent and cute and non-pugnacious, so opt for somewhere bright to take your photos. Or you can get every single desk lamp you own and shine them on you, you beautiful creature, you.

ANGLE THAT SHIT. That shit being your face. Angle your face so your eyes are looking up at the camera. Or maybe it's angle your camera >.>

Make your eyes go AS BIG AS THEY CAN, even if you're already hardcore widening them. Open them until they're about to pop out of their sockets. That might be challenging, since you have the uncomfortable circle lenses in and the eyelid crap plus the false eyelashes plus all the makeup. Just don't over-strain your eyes. That would be ugly. Do not want. Not Ulzzang at all.

Pout your lips, but make them really really thin and small and cute. Do some cute pouty thing. Idk how to describe it, just do it. Your small lips will make your eyes look even!!! beeeeegerr. Don't wear an overwhelming lip color, because your goal is cute and oh-me-*giggle*-oh-my *giggle* and frail. Not seductive and sexy.
Your poses can be as simple as you want. You could just stare, doe-eyed, at the camera, or you could put one finger on some random part of your face and hope it looks cute. Just whateveeerrr you do, Ulzzang are always dainty. So that means please, don't stick a finger up your nose and hope it looks cute.




Also, photoshop is your best friend. Personally, I have never taken a photoshop lesson, nor do I own photoshop, so I can't help you with that. But just edit yourself to perfection. Pretty simple.

Post your pictures over t3h interw3bz and hope to get famous.


If all else fails, get some plastic surgery. It's not uncommon for teens to get barbie-fied in Korea.

9. I don't think this matters, but I will throw this in for good measure. You must type like you're a fob. AKA excessive emoticons, tildees (~~~), and sometimes, even the uP aNd d0wNn sHiiT liiK3 diiS~~~~kAwAii~~~

The end.


Personally, I would not want to spend like...2 hours doing all that shit just so I can look like a doll. All those chemicals from the makeup is going to fuck their faces up, plus the circle lenses will make them blind/near-blind sooner or later.

If you think you're not Ulzzang material, THINK AGAIN:




Even guys can be ulzzang!



ANDDD my personal favorite: (click on this blog link) http://cute-mandu.blogspot.com/

It's great. I loled. My jaw dropped in shock.

Anywayyyy, I hope that this was somewhat entertaining and informative.

Ulzzang aside, you Korean peepo still ROCK like rocks. SARANGAE & ut possuh, kihjehbeh x]


Thanks for reaaaading(:
Please comment to let me know you care.
Peace, love, no hate.
K4R3N